Hey everyone! It has been….some months. Thank you so much for sticking with me. I thought I would do a little post about how life has been for me since coming out of my depressive episode.
I have been fighting myself, trying to get back here and start posting again since January. Somehow, I always talked myself out of it. I worried that the blogging may have been just a manic idea and that maybe I’m not cut out to be a blogger. But all throughout my depressive episodes, especially into my manic ones, I am always thinking about it and always wanting to write. I think I may have stressed myself out by looking into getting paid to blog, because a lot goes into that. I think I may have lost myself to the research about it, because I didn’t believe in myself for awhile. Well, websites I researched were telling me that it needed to be my passion, and it definitely is. I absolutely love writing. I love talking about mental illness and in a way, teaching people about it with my own words and experiences. I love that people have a place to come and read about other’s experiences with their mental illnesses and know they are not alone with theirs. I love playing with my logo and website, which I now own 🙂 my new URL is http://www.bipolarweirdo.blog.
So I have decided that I am not going to research any more about getting paid to blog. I love it enough just to do it for you all. So let the posts resume.
I have been in a manic episode for a few months now. Luckily the last two I have been through were pretty calm, almost helpful. Nothing too crazy to report, just a lot of big dreams and ideas with little patience. My worst problems currently are my spending habits and my irritability, and a little bit of wanting to be reckless. Some people aren’t aware of the sudden onset of irritation is definitely part of mania. Sometimes I just sit there and think “where did this agitation come from? Nothing even happened.” Luckily my family is very understanding and just gives me some time. I’ve been really focusing on other hobbies to help with coping and those are reading, journaling, and photography.
It has been years since I finished reading a book and I am proud to say that I have finished 3 books since February and I am working on…two haha.
I am in a group on Facebook for people with bipolar disorder and we have started a journaling club that I absolutely love. I have washi tape, stickers, stamps, a little printer, etc. for this journal and I am having the best time filling out and decorating these pages. My group does prompts 3 times a week and it’s nice to have something to look forward to.
My family and I go walking often throughout the week and I cannot help but take pictures of just everything. The picture for this post is one that I did and I’m pretty proud of it. I just can’t help it, I love taking pictures of the beautiful nature that surrounds us. I have decided that I love cameras and taking pictures, so I’m going to get an actual digital camera instead of just using my phone. I love that I will be able to use better quality photos that I take for my blog posts.
So, good news. I’m pretty sure that ketamine is working for me now. I do a booster once a month and since I started that, I haven’t been suicidal or wanting to self harm. It’s such a breath of fresh air, honestly. I was struggling for a few years with intruding thoughts and self harm problems. This is the best I have felt in a very long time. I guess I should also give credit to my 746823746832 meds that I take. It’s actually just 5 medications and 3 vitamins. Unfortunately they make me feel very fatigued and a little sick. I get headaches from them and just feel crummy.
Another thing that has just been AWFUL is my anxiety. The worst thing has been my phobia or illnesses/vomit. I am anxious almost every night, especially since this stomach bug is going around. I cannot tell you why or when it started. All I know is that it got worst throughout the years. I’m talking panic attack bad. It is so annoying to be have to be constantly aware. I have heard exposure therapy works well in this situation, and that TERRIFIES me. When it’s triggered, it cripples me and I am not able to go about my daily life. So when this happens, I just take my Seroquel and go to bed. It’s all I can do.
Well, there’s a little update from me. Thank you to those that have stuck with me through all of these times of posting or not posting, it means more to me than you will ever know.
I’m really glad to be back and to start working on the next post, I’ve definitely missed it. Have a wonderful rest of your day everyone!
****Disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional. If you have mental health related questions, I highly recommend you seek a healthcare professional.*****