Bipolar Weirdo

So, there are a ton of different topics I have in my head. Let’s just start with a quote I really like and see where this goes..

Which do you want: the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth?”

Some magazine a friend showed me-

Look how cute my little logo is! Anyway – for tonight’s topic, I am going to introduce myself and explain the reason I have decided to start this blog.

Those who do not know me well, my name is Ariane (air-e-n). I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1, generalized anxiety, and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). And just recently, I have had to add on mixed episodes with severe psychosis. Not a lot of people know but I had to be admitted late July due to my disorder becoming increasing difficult to manage. I wasn’t able to wear anything without sleeves for weeks. One thing led to another, than another almost led to…nothing.

I spent 7 days in there. The first night and the next day was the most difficult time of my life. I felt like I was just locked up, handed to people who do not know shit about me to feed me pills and make me go to therapy.

Well, the pills and therapy were true.

It started out extremely rough. I would have ended my life if there had been a way to. I can’t express my feelings of “abandonment” by my loved ones.

But,

I was actually not alone.

I met a lot of different people on my unit, especially some with either bipolar 1 or 2. Thankfully now, I am really good friends with them! I hated myself so much for feeling the way at I did, for not being able to turn all of my thoughts off and putting my friends and family through so much, and then hated myself some more for it. The people I had met understood. They had been through similar experiences. We could all talk about how we felt and there would be no judgement.

They said inpatient would be beneficial, I didn’t believe it, but I do now. I don’t feel alone for the first time in such a long time. The PCAs and the nurses were incredible. They cared about all of us and made sure that our needs were met. If you EVER feel like a danger to yourself or others, come here. Spend a week working on yourself and finding the right coping skills for you. We all did some coloring, journaling, and tons of puzzles!

What I want you to take from this is, yes, you feel alone and that no one else can understand what you are feeling. You don’t want to say anything because they can’t be bothered with you, or you don’t get the sympathy or love you need. I promise you that you are not alone. People hide the way they feel out of embarrassment and shame and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. This is not you, it’s not your loved one, this is an illness. Not. You.

I am starting this blog because I want people to know that they are not alone. You can come here and read my posts and know that. I am going to touch on so many topics here from meds, other mental illnesses, the difference between the depressive side and the manic, mania will probably have a post just for that, and so much more. This blog is not just for the beauties with the disorders but for their wonderful loved ones and the cool people just wanting to know more.

Thanks for reading ❤

-Bipolar Weirdo